Wednesday, 14 May 2014

A few things I've learnt

We have now been waiting for 9 months. For those of you who have not been following, that is 9 months post- match. Normal post- match wait is between 6 and 8 weeks, though for some it's faster and for others slower. 

It is now clear that things have not gone well. We are coming to terms with the fact that this story might not have a happy ending. Seeing everyone come back with their kids, after 5-6 weeks of waiting, seeing people matched well into our wait period and now have completed families sucks. SUCKS. 

Yet, I am also learning so much in this period of my life. So lessons useful, some interesting, some annoying... Here is a small list of what I've learnt, while waiting for our court date.

1. People are different
The same people in the same situation can still have a different reaction. In fact, most do. People have different tolerance levels, different reactions: some close down, some remain unreasonably positive, some get angry. Some offer help, some ignore and go on, some stew. Judging these reactions is not for me, we all do what we can to survive through another day. 

The first point bring me to my second lesson:

2. I have an unusually strong reaction to stress
It could be because of my past: of the trauma I haven been through the last four years. It might be because I was made this way. It might be because I think too much. Whatever it is, is is what it is... I am finding ways to cope with my reaction day by day, with the help of those around me. I cannot change my reaction at his point, I can temper it, accept it and try and learn from it.

3. No matter how bad a day is, tomorrow might just be better
No guaranties with this one. But chances are some sleep and some TLC will make it better. Sometimes it won't, but hopefully there will be another day.

4. It' s ok to be angry...

5. ...but it's not ok to be take it out on your nearest and dearest.
Or on your colleagues. Or the children you work with. Or while driving. Or on the dogs. Basically, you need to find a anger-busting activity to engage in. (Confession: I sometimes write angry emails... And never send them...)

So... I might be full of wisdom (not) but I still struggle a lot as I wait. As I reshape my expectations once more. As I wonder if we will ever become parents...  

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