10 things I love about the UK

(Through the prism of 5 years in Greece)

I am visiting the UK for work at the moment, as you might have gathered from my previous posts. There is a strange familiarity to this country and I love it so much - yet both my husband and I have consciously chosen to live elsewhere for the last five years. I do, however, think that the UK is a simply wonderful place to live and work and here are some of the reasons why (worryingly I could come up with my list of ten a lot more easily than my list for Greece...):

1. Opportunity

The UK is full of opportunity. Compared to Greece you can be anyone and do anything in the UK. Part of it is the economy - it allows for people to be able to quit their day jobs and follow their passions in more ways than you could ever do in Greece. There is also a culture of entrepreneurship  and a willingness to look at new ideas, in a way that I have not encountered elsewhere. For me, the UK really is the land of opportunity, where one can really flourish. 

2. Diversity

London especially must be one of the most diverse cities in the world. Diversity is normal, accepted, expected, celebrated. It is a multi-cultural, multi-racial society very open to integration. 

3. The Law

Again, I am seeing this through the eyes of having lived in Greece for a while now, but there is a certain respect for the law that I love about Britain. D calls it my love of "yellow lines" in reference to the beautifully painted yellow lines on the roads, indicating whether parking is allowed in a certain area. 

 4. The NHS

A lot of Brits complain about the National Health Service and in many ways I guess it is not perfect. But it is what it says, a national health service that does provide for those who need, when they need and usually what they need. My experiences of the NHS have been varied, but always worlds ahead of the health services I have experienced in other countries. 

5. The Food

I know, right? You are wondering whether (or what) I've been drinking this morning. But bear with me on this one. Yes, English cuisine is not known for its delicious recipes. The standard meat and two veg tends to be executed in several different versions - variations on the basic theme. However, most places in England have an amazing variety of international cuisine: Indian, Thai, Chinese, Japanese, Italian, French, Greek. It might not be very authentic, the Indian might not be as good as the one you would get in Mumbai, but it can be very tasty and the variety itself is exciting! 

6. Public Transport (and walking)

Unless you live in a very rural area (which I did for a year when I was a teenager) public transport links tend to be wonderful. This means you don't need a car, which is good in itself, but also you get to walk a lot more, as service is seldom door to door. And I simply love walking! 

7. How polite people are

Ok, not everyone, not everywhere, but being polite is expected. Only two days ago I stepped on someone while crammed in a tube carriage and they apologised to me! I also, of course, apologised to them, but the Brits do tend to say "sorry", and "excuse me" quite a lot. Not to mention the "please" and "thank you". 

8. Driving

I learned to drive in London. Understandably I was nervous, as every new driver might be, but the predictability and order of the roads helped. I actually got my license while in Greece. The driving there is chaotic and a lot more difficult to negotiate. I love the way the English drive, negotiate roundabouts, generally stick to the speed limit, obey traffic lights etc. I know, it sounds ridiculous, but it's not! 

9. Green spaces 

What it says. I love the fact that even the capital has an abundance of well-looked after green spaces. Not to mention the rest of the countryside which is ideal for hiking, cycling and running. Not rugged and wild like Greece, but pretty, predictable and usually well-looked after (and sign posted)!

10. Education

It might not be the best in the world, but it is darn well close. I had the privilege of attending two of the best institutions in the UK (and possibly the world) back in the day that it was (means-tested) free or very nearly free. Things might have changed a bit, but the quality of the higher education institutions remains high and the research coming out of most of those institutions is still cutting edge. That is something that I genuinely love about Britain!

So, that is my list. It was surprisingly easy to write, and I sit here, on a crispy England morning, at Terminal 5 in Heathrow, waiting for my flight to be called, I really do miss living in this country. It might be on the cards in a few years for sure... 

Additions

I have been spending a few days in the UK, first a couple of days in London, for work and now a day and a bit in Cambridge, with my dear friend J. 

Part of today was a shopping trip, into Cambridge to get various things that we cannot get in Greece, like the great variety of teas, which I have unpacked and repackaged into small ziplock bags and stuffed into my suitcase. 

We also went into Baby Gap, something I have not done before - not to buy anything anywyay. 

I am proud to announce that I have bought the first real item that is meant for the kids. In fact this little dog is meant for B, the three year old girl we have been matched with. When we met her back in October we had brought a small photograph album with us to leave with her and had taken several pictures of the dogs for her to look at. She was delighted at it all and kept on calling "wo-shaa" which is the Amharic for "dog". 

So here it is, the first toy I have dared to buy... Still in the wait, but feeling more confident it might happen soon! (A couple of families who have been waiting with us have now been given dates, hence my guarded optimism...)

Does it remind you of anyone?

10 things I love about my husband

(A Valentine's special...)

Ok, smug-post alert! It is Valentine's day today, and I am away from home for work. I am generally not one to think much of Valentine's day, and as a couple we normally don't plan very much, maybe a longer walk with our dogs, maybe a nicer dinner. But this year we are most likely celebrating our last "just -the-two-of-us" Valentine's day. Apart. Here's a post just about my wonderful husband and the big and little things that make him great:

1. His wisdom

D is incredibly wise. He has a feel for life, a sense of perspective that others (including me quite often) lack. He is able to retain his composure and have perspective at the hardest times. He is also able to share that with me, when I need it most!

2. His generosity of spirit

D is a generous person, no doubt. But it is his generosity of spirit that was evident to me from the first day we met. He offers up his time, effort, energy, wishes, help so freely and to everyone who needs them. 

3. His sense of humour

He makes me laugh. That's all.

4. How he does the shopping, makes me dinner when I'm home late and shares the household chores

If you know me well, then you know how I hate grocery shopping. I don't know why, I just find it incredibly boring and unfulfilling as an activity. While we lived in the UK we had all our shopping delivered from one of the local supermarkets, to our kitchen every Monday night. It was great! I did all my shopping online (well, I actually had a repeat list from which I added or took away things as needed). Alas, Greece has no such luxuries, and so the grocery shopping was quite a chore for me. For the last few months D has taken that over, while I have one of my private lessons. He has now become an expert shopper and I am a lot happier that I don't have to walk around the fluo-lit aisles for an hour every week. On top of that, he makes me dinner when I get home late and shares all the household chores with me. What's not to love?

5. What he looks like first thing in the morning

I simply love waking up next to him. A few months after our wedding I was talking to a friend and mentioned this. She warned me I had another six months of that, before I would stop noticing, or even worse, start being bothered by him being there when I woke up. Well, I am glad to announce that after five years I still love waking up next to him. I love the way he looks when he wakes up, and how he looks at me. And I love it when, three times a week, I get a cup of tea in bed! (We take in turns - the other mornings are mine...)

6. How great he is with children

D is a teacher. He has been teaching for three years and is great at his job. He is an inspiring teacher to have, I have little doubt. But even before that, he has always been attentive, caring and calm in the way that he interacts with little people. I simply cannot wait to be a parent with this guy!

7. His manners

He has great manners. I noticed very early on after meeting him that his manners, on and off the table, are impeccable. 

8. How he makes me feel

He grounds me, he calms me and excites me at the same time. With him I feel like I can achieve anything!

9. How he loves animals

He is incredibly playful, caring, and firm, with our dogs. To me that's a sign of a great person. 

Here he is, bottle feeding our little pup, Hardy (who is now 15 times that size)!

...and finally...

10. How he loves me

He loves me unconditionally and with all his heart. He makes me feel that every day. 

There is no doubt in my mind that I have won on  the husband lottery!

The Kindness of Strangers

For the well-travelled amongst you, you might be able to recognise that this picture is from London. You might be able to tell from the phone boxes in the distance... Only these ones are not the usual red ones! These two phone boxes in London's City district, have been painted green to celebrate 60 years of the Samaritans in the UK. And today, I too met a good Samaritan...

I flew into London late last night, for work. After we had boarded the plane, on time, the captain came on to tell us about the journey ahead. Apparently, due to the high winds and impending storm hitting the UK, our flight would be delayed. For safety reasons the flow into Heathrow slows down in extreme conditions, he continued, and so we would get a later slot. He also warned us that the 40 mph winds currently blowing in from the Atlantic would make the flight and especially the landing "a bit bumpy". 

I have to say that I am not usually scared of flying - I have been a regular flyer for many years. I have been flying less since moving to Greece, but still manage three of four return journeys a year. I have never, however, had a bad flying experience - nothing remarkable anyway. Plus, ever since meeting D and more so now that we are ready to adopt, I have been much more scared about my personal safety. So, understandably perhaps, I felt a little uncomfortable. 

The man sitting next to me, an American living in London, made a comment about the news the pilot had just delivered and we got chatting. I confessed my nervousness for the coming flight. Very quickly, in a very mild but firm manner, he explained to me that he is a small-aircraft pilot and that, really, I had very little to worry about. He went on to explain, in quite simply language luckily, all about avionics and landing procedures. (He also suggested that I had some wine with my dinner; advice a duly followed!)

The flight was fairly uneventful, with some mild turbulance on the way into Heathrow. It did takes us a while to get a landing slot, but, despite the pilot's warning the waiting and circling around time (I am sure there is a term for this...) was reasonable. And then it came to landing!

It was windy - we could feel it from the dipping and diving once we started out descent into Heathrow. We had been warned and I had had the glass of wine as prescribed, but I was still very nervous. 

The guy next to me, a total stranger, was simply wonderful! He coached me through the whole landing, explaining why we were accelerating, what the wing flaps were doing (yes, I was seated right by the wing) and what each noise and dip meant. He told me things before they happened (like "we will accelerate now") which was very reassuring, because it meant it was normal! He coached me through it like an expert, and I felt safe in knowing that it was not that strange a situation: that aircrafts land in horrid weather all the time. As we bounced around the landing tarmac I was happy to be on terra firma. 

After we landed there was a clap. I thanked him for his help. He smiled. 

There is something very powerful about the kindness of strangers. Something great about someone who hardly knows you taking the time to tell you that it will be OK. Something deeply human and deeply humane. We get glimpses of the possibilities of the human spirit at times like this. 

And so with a little help from my good Samaritan, I made it to London safely. 

The Extra Hour

I have been working pretty hard lately. Leaving the house usually just after 8 am (or sometimes just before) and getting home most nights after 8 pm. It's a choice and it is only temporary, I hope, but it is still making me feel tired and grumpy. 

One of the reasons why I have been grumpy is that I feel I am not doing the things that I would like to, like exercise, writing, reading and spening time with my dogs (how spoilt does that sound? Mothers of young kids please look away now)!

As a childless couple, or maybe I should say parents in waiting, we are quite spoilt with our time. Yes, we work hard, looking after other people's kids for more than 10 hours most days, but when we get home our time is our own. That's what most people think, anyway. It is not always that simple, as the planning, marking and preparation, added to the simple headspace that teaching takes up, leaves us with little free time. That paired with the fact that my natural off switch is around 8:30 pm, means that for the last few months I have had no free time...

Well, the solution was found. It is an obvious one, one that I know many busy mums employ. It is in fact something that I have done many times in my life when I felt there was too much to do and not enough hours in the day. It is as simple as setting my alarm clock to go between 5:30 and 6. And then not pressing the snooze button. In fact, this last step might be the most crucial in the process. 

So, here I am, in my spare hour of the day, writing, feeling decidedly smug with myself, while watching the sun slowly rise over the sea. It feels great to have gained an hour!

This morning's sunrise. 

And yesterday's: 

Ready to start the day! 

Attachments...

"They grow up so fast!" 

If I've heard it once I've heard it twenty times already. You don't even have to have a baby on your lap for people, usually older women, whose children might have flown the nest already, or are at the 'not-so-cuddly' stage, to offer up this advice. And really, as much as I appreciate advice (ok, so maybe I don't very much) what does it really mean? 

I understand the implicit meaning to someone whose kids are there, with them, to someone who might be too trapped into the nitty-gritty of parenting to appreciate the unique developmental stage their kids are at during that precise moment. I understand that and in a way, I believe that too: enjoy your children as they are right now (even if the way they are right now involves trantrums and snot, hmmm). Mindful parenting, immersed in the moment, is something that I too, aspire to. 

But telling a woman, like me, whose (prospective - that word again) children are half a world away, on a different continent, well, that to me sounds as a simple, and maybe rather cruel observation. She might as well have said "Look how they're growing without you!" or "He's a little boy already and you will never get to live the baby-stage with him". 

We have a friend who is currently in Addis Ababa, visiting his prospective children as him and his wife are waiting for their paperwork to be finalised. He very kindly visited the orphanage where our kids are at, and took several pictures and a few videos for us to see them. 

I knew he was going to visit yesterday - he had told me and D and I had sent him a little video of us, taken on Saturday in our garden, our three dogs around us, saying hi to our little girl. I had also sent him some pictures we had taken with her while we were there in October. October... that was five months ago... The mere thought makes my heart sink.

The whole day I scanned my phone obsessively, even during class (which I don't normally do) waiting for an email, a picture. I was on the way home from my early evening lesson when my phone started pinging. I ran up to the house and then sat next to D while we opened the attachment to our children's pictures. 

We watched them, several times and we laughed. And we cried. And we laughed some more. We scanned the pictures, we scrutinised every second of the videos, for little signs of them - for something more than just a picture. For the funny way she moves her mouth, the way she tidies her bear on her lap, her assertive manner. For his first proper little laugh (in front of our eyes, at least), his, now chubby, arms poking out of his shirt. For his lovely hair, that has grown curly and plentiful. And for the way he looks at her. We watched them again and again, feasting our eyes in the sight of the two little ones that will hopefully be in our arms soon.

Telling me that they grow up so fast was like a punch in the stomach. Like I don't know. Like I don't realise that the three month old infant I left behind last November will never be the same. That this bubbling, smiling 8 month old will not even be the same tomorrow. That by the time we manage to go and get them, by the time our court date has come they will have changed again, into different little children. 

A bitter sweet evening, with over 8 attachments of my children. In all honesty, not the sort of "attachment" I was hoping for at this stage, but precious all the same. 

We wait...

The Wait - Part 2

I wanted to write a post about surviving the wait. I wanted to give advice on it. But in reality it might be better if I ask for advice... We are still very much in the midst of it all and we have by no means survived it.

We have done well. We have waited 4 months (post-match) for various reasons, mainly to do with bureaucracy, procedural changes and general international adoption waiting. We met our (prospective - argh, what a word!) children in late October. Now, in mid-February, we know that we are close, although we don't have a court date yet. So we wait...

How do I cope with it? Not very well, I think. I have good days and bad days. I keep busy. Very busy. I think if I can be so exhausted that when my head hits the pillow I fall asleep instantly, then that's a good day. 

My list on how I am surviving the wait. It is personal and I am in no way advocating that it's for everyone. But here it is:

1. Keep busy. 

That is my number one strategy. I work full time as a teacher, in a primary school with 37 teaching periods a week. For anyone who knows teaching, that is a lot! On top of that I am also the school's curriculum coordinator, which adds a bit of time on top of it all. Since January I have also taken on several private pupils, something I am hoping I can continue once the kiddos join us. It is only 5 teaching hours in the evenings, but also involves some preparation and commuting. To top it all off, I do freelance translations, for five or six hours a week. In total, I think I work around 60 hours a week. 

It is certainly not sustainable and when I started I hoped it would only be for a few weeks or so. The weeks have turned into months and here I am, a little exhausted, but having made some extra money to put towards the adoption and to have afterwards once the kiddos are here! The upside is that it is giving me less time to think about the adoption, and all the things that could potentially go wrong (I am an expert at worrying and finding potential disaster scenarios)!

2. Build a support network

Some of my support network is online, in the forms of blogs and forums (fora?). I really enjoy reading about other people who have been through this and have come out of it unscathed. It really gives me a boost to read about other couples' waiting periods, how they coped with them and how they eventually managed to bring their prescious, longed-for children home. 

Some of my support network is real, although none of them (bar my family) are face-to-face contacts. We have met some other families through our social worker and from our trip to Ethiopia in October and we spend a lot of time on the phone. It helps!

3. Take up writing

I write a lot. I have written a lot about the adoption and have relished every single word of it. I am even hoping to publish one day, although I wonder if anyone would actually want to read it... I keep this blog. I keep a journal. Generally writing keeps me sane and keeps things in perspective. It helps me see that, no matter what, this period is but a chapter of my life...

4. Run

I have always been an athlete and I have been running for the last 10 years or so. Despite a chronic injury that keeps me from running as much as I would like, I still try to keep to two-three runs and week. Most are up the mountain with my dogs and husband - there is aalways perspective to be gained up on the mountain.

A couple of races also keep things interesting...

5. Do the things that I will not have time for once I become a mum

Like having coffee with my husband. Lying in on a Saturday morning (fine, until 8, but still...). Have long baths. Write in the middle of the day. Go mountain biking with D. Go to the cinema. Have a meal out. All these things that will become a challenge once there are two little people in our life. 

6. Eat crisps and drink wine

Nothing profound here... Just a coping mechanism. Comfort eating and the odd glass of wine. Surely that's normal.

There are a couple of things I wanted to do, but have not got round to:

1. Learn Amharic - my loaded schedule has not allowed me to find the time to meet with the teacher I had found. I will have to make do with awkward phrase-book Amharic. 

2. Decorating the kids' room - the uncertainty over when and sometimes if this adoption will go through has kept me from buying anything kid related. Yes, we run the risk of having the kids sleep in a box for a couple of weeks. (I am joking here. Mostly...) But at least I do not have to look at an empty crib every hour of the day... Swings and roundabouts. 

3. Making the photo album that I wanted - with all the pictures of the children we have, from our referral pictures, to the ones we took while we were there, as well as the ones we get sent periodically from the orphanage, or when people visit. Hmm, maybe I should get a move on with that one...

4. Clearing out my wardrobes - Yes... that is still on the to-do-list... I've done the odd bit of throwing away that jumper that I have not worn since I was 17 (yes, I had one of those, doesn't everyone?) but I have not had that brutal one-on-one with the wardrobe yet. It's inevitable, but I am putting it off...

I hope the wait will come to an end soon. I hope we get our court date, so that we can start all the preparations on the way to becoming a family of four! In the meantime I am off to have that glass of wine...