Friday, 8 May 2015

Am I still me? (Mother's Day special)

As I'm preparing myself for my first ever Mother's Day as a mum te question keeps popping into my head. Am I still me? How has motherhood changed me? And, if I've changed, where does the old "me" fit in? 

The answer for me seems to be quite complex. For years I have felt like a mum without babies. For these past five years I have felt like I should have been celebrating Mother's Day, but couldn't. In fact, Mother's Day was another as occasion reminding me what I was missing. 

In many ways I feel the difficulties in becoming a mother have changed me so much more than the actual role ever could. They have scarred me and they have made me stronger. They have also changed the way I look at motherhood. 

Do I feel different? The answer is yes and no. I feel like a more fulfilled me. And nt just in my role as mother, but in everything I do. I have a newly-found confidence in all aspects of my life. My professional life, especially, has received a great boost of creative energy. 

Did I lose myself? The answer here is not yet. But I know that motherhood is not a sprint but a marathon. Maybe ten years in I will look back and wonder where the "real" A is. But for now I am the happiest I have ever been, and my role as a mother has only enhanced all my other roles. 

So this is for J, who made me a mum, 

And for O, who completed our family.

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