Rookie mum: Tantrums in Paradise

I have really been enjoying my little boys lately. Yet something happened this week that really shocked me. Not just surprised me or caught me unprepared, but really shocked me deep down to my core: J had his first tantrum!

It was afternoon and we had been playing outside. We came in to get ready to go and pick daddy up from school (?!) so I had to clean him, put some clothes on him, some shoes and, of course, do the same with baby too. Make sure everyone had clean nappies on and some kind of reasonably clean clothes - no perfectionism here, just the basics. Then, the tricky part, I had to take J down to the car, strap him in, then come up and get baby and put him in the car too. 

Only J decided otherwise. And for the first time as a mum (but surely not the last) I experienced The Tantrum! At 22 months I got a preview of what the terrible twos might be like: he was screaming so hard his veins were popping on his neck, he was on the floor and was thrashing like a fish out of water. What he wanted was to go to the 'tar'=car and pretend to drive. What I wanted was that he stopped screaming...  

What shocked me most was not J, but my reaction. I froze. My heart was pounding. This rookie mum was so close to tears. And I know I probably should have left him to ride it out, just there in the hallway, but we needed to leave... And so I scooped him up and, somehow took him to the car, though not to "drive" like he wanted, but strapped him into his seat. Somehow. I got the baby strapped in too and started to drive, J still screaming!  

Thankfully he didn't take long to calm down. I, however, took much longer than he did. My heart kept pounding all the way through the drive. I found it so incredibly upsetting - I don't know why. Later, dissecting my son's first tantrum with my husband I realised that it had been a perfect storm: he was hungry, it was hot, I was paying attention to his brother and... bam! 

It has not happened since, but I know it will again. I am practicing my response, in my head. What I'm most scared of is the strength of my reaction... 

So, help me out: non-rookie mums, how do you cope with tantrums? 

Random Acts of Romamce

I was sharing with a friend a few days ago how having kids presents wonderful opportunities for a couple to show their love for one another. She was puzzled by my claim but I truly believe that. 

Before kids our life was all our own. We could come and go as we pleased and chose how to spend our time. Since becoming a family of four that is no longer the case: our actions and schedules are largely dictated by the needs of the kids first, then our needs. The 'wants' have definitely taken a backseat. 

In that way small acts of kindness towards each other are amplified. Looking after the kids so the other half can do 30 mins of exercise. Bringing him a cup of coffee. Cooking her favourite dish. Buying his favourite biscuits. Taking over the fort so that she can have a bath. Letting him have a lie in. These things count! They mean a lot more than they ever did before, as long as they are seen for what they are: Random Acts of Romance! 

(I type this as I have been given a few minutes alone from the kids, while D vacuums the living room- big thanks to the husband!)